David Sedaris on Indecision

It isn't Sedaris' funniest essay, and he certainly didn't intend it to be primarily funny. Still it has moments like this passage:

The flight attendant comes down the aisle with her food cart and, eventually, parks it beside my seat. “Can I interest you in the chicken?” she asks. “Or would you prefer the platter of shit with bits of broken glass in it?”

To be undecided in this election is to pause for a moment and then ask how the chicken is cooked.

And this line: [C]alling yourself a maverick is a sure sign that you’re not one.